Your secret's out.

one last refrain

2005-12-17T01:16:24Z

new LJ due to specific reasons. IM me for the username. x3

you have my attention like you've had all the while.

2005-12-13T22:47:45Z

FUCK PEOPLE WHO CANT OWN UP TO THINGS.

i wish everyday could be like christmass.

2005-12-13T22:10:07Z

fuck people and their unnecessary drama.

i stand by avalons side in this battle, fuckers.

<33

it's the end of the world as we know it -and i feel fine.

2005-12-10T13:18:51Z

i cannot believe there are only fifteen days until christmas. it's absolutely ridiculous.

the new year is in a rush to get here and i'm not sure if thats good or bad. everything is just going ridiculously fast now and i dont know if i like it. like sometimes i am glad for everything moving so quickly...but other times i just want everything to slow down so i can take in every moment. because after all, high school doesnt last forever.

i dont know. new years are, to me, good AND bad. good because you can start a clean slate and just decide how YOU want your year to go. bad because everything is just gone...for instance, january marks the start of the second semester and i'm going to miss my classes terribly. plus i know that avalon is moving this summer....so everything moving so fast just means telling her goodbye a lot sooner. i dont know. everything keeps changing. and whether for the worse or the better, its not going to stop.

we're really growing up at an outrageous pace. just think...2 years until we're all off to college. and of course, i have absolutely NO IDEA fo what it is i want to do with my life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i had an amazing time yesterday. with people i would never have expected. it was beautiful. but that just goes to show you. things change. people change. life changes. you have to adapt. and thats why yesterday was so great. because we all got over whatever we thoguht we knew about each other and just talked and laughed and sang. it was truly great.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

today, i hope, will be just as great. i am supposed to go to the mall with matt, ashleigh, and maybe jocelin and mike and others? i dont know who is going. but i usually have a good time with these people. so unless theyve suddenly become different in the past month, it should be utterly fantastic.

today i discovered that change is inevitable.
today i discovered how quickly everything and everyone comes and goes.
today i decided that i want to make my life worthwhile.
today i decided i'm going to try and make the best of any situation because the years go by too fast to be pessimistic.

today i've decided to really be me.

this loss to my brain almost feels like a gun..

2005-12-08T21:05:19Z

papercuts make me sad, but heartbreaks make me furious.

2005-12-08T20:17:46Z

WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF...
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I started smoking:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY..?

» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?
[12] Would you fuck me?
[12] Would you date me
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?

my words are all i have

2005-12-04T16:43:13Z

Anonymously post

1. One secret
2. One compliment
3. One non-compliment, criticism, or insult.
4. One love note, but it does not have to be for me.
5. Lyrics to your favorite song.
6. How old you are.
7. How long we've been friends
8. And a hint to who you are
9. After you do it for me, put it in your LJ and see who does it for you.

i'm two quarters and a heart down.

2005-12-04T16:24:53Z

wow i really suck at keeping up with a livejournal!! yeah.
so friday night i saw rent with candace and megan. it was a really good movie. the audience sucked but hey, whatev'. then they slept over and it was an okay weekend overall.

yesterday i didnt really do anything after they left and it was kinda dull. i fell asleep really early last ngith it was gross. today i'm not doing anything either. i want to hang out with someone...and i also want to go to the homefield show at prince of peace but my mom wont take me. ughh.

so basically whats going down is nothing.
i sort of want a boyfriend.
i sort of keep getting annoyed at all of my friends.
i sort of need something interesting to happen.
and i sort of need a life.

if anyone could help me out with any of that it would be great. lol. i really AM a loser.

okay so i'll try and write soon. no guarantees..
bye<3

belovedx___lie @ 2005-11-29T13:31:00

2005-11-29T18:42:20Z

hmm finally found an outfit for NYC next friday. looking forward to it even though those girls still arent trying. those of us who actually care will have a blast and thats all that matters.

while shopping i started coming up with song lyrics, but i'm not good at writing. i wish i could write well. that would be pretty nice.

i'm getting a little sick of _ _ _ _ _ _ _. she's still clingy and it just anooys me greatly.

I miss Ms. Gkionis's class!! so much. everyone from second semester, first period, '04-'05 Honors Geometry knows what i'm saying. x3

hmm. so today...was pretty lame. first period is algebra which basically always blows because of homework. but tonight we only have a little homework, so i guess it wasnt so bad. second period....blair came back so we actually had to do spanish instead of give each other pen tattoos and talk about nick getting horrible STDs. that was sad. third period, mr brodowski had us do that circle seating thing again and the i was one of the people who had to switch seats with someone else so i didnt get to sit by aves, sharon, and kat. instead i was next to hunter ( =[ ) and pat flanagan. i guess it wasnt terrible though. then fourth was gym in which avalon convinced me to play advanced volleyball. let me tell you, it SUCKED. the volleyball part wasnt the problem. i learned that in gym, advanced is just another word for asshole. i hate those people.

but anyway i'm nto in a terrible mood today, just bored. like always. wish i didnt live in the middle of nowhere. =/

alright well i've got nothign of interest to say, so bye. x3

stop burning bridges and drive off of them.

2005-11-28T18:05:36Z

okay so i havent written in a while because i just dont know what to say. ive been really moody lately idk. one second i'm really happy and the next i'm pissed or sad. i dont get it. whatev'. SO. ELEVEN days till saint patricks and the fucking bitches in chorus still arent doing anything. it makes me so mad. ughhh.

so i cut my hair, got a new cell phone, and bought an acoustic guitar that i'm learning to play.

i dont know what to write in this thing. noone reads, noone cares. i guess its a waste of time. idk.

uhhmm. if youre reading this, hi aj. i think you might be the only one who reads?? yeah idk. anyway stop ruffling my hair like i'm six years old. =] well. you dont have to stop, but it would be semi-nice of you to realize that i'm not six. kthnx. <333

okay so yeah i think thats all i have to say. bye <33

belovedx___lie @ 2005-11-16T14:58:00

2005-11-16T20:02:04Z

for all of you people in chorus who don want to be there, dont work your ass off, dont give a shit about our performance, and DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR FIVE SECONDS,

YOU SHOULD DIE.
FUCK YOU.
GROW THE FUCK UP.
STOP BEING BITCHES ABOUT EVERYTHING AND JUST TRANSFER OUT OF THE CLASS IF YOU DONT WANT TO BE THERE.
I CANT STAND YOU.

UGHHH FUCK.

belovedx___lie @ 2005-11-15T15:56:00

2005-11-15T21:06:49Z

this quiz has 99 questions. Here's what you're supposed to do....and DON'T spoil the fun. Copy (not forward) this entire bulletin and paste it onto a new bulletin that you will send. Change all the answers so that they apply to you.

The theory is that you will learn a lot of little known
facts about those who know you.

1. What time is it? 3:56pm

2. name? melissa sue conrad.

3. Nickname(if any): lyss

4. If you were a skittle: that would suck. skittles get eaten.

6. zodiac: gemini

7. Hair color: brown

8. Eye color: blue with a brown section on the top of my one eye

9. Height: 5'8"

10. Favorite Color: dont have one

11. Glasses, contacts or neither: nope

12. Braces? nope

13. Piercing/tattoos?: no

14. Birthplace: denville, nj

16. Siblings names: jessica and eric

*****HAVE YOU EVER******
17. Cut your own hair?:yes

21. Skipped school?: yeah

22. Bungee jumped: no

23. Went to a concert?: yes

24. Kissed someone of the same sex not related to you? yes

25. Kiss more than two people in one day: yes

26. Stared at the stars for hours?: yeah

27. TP'd someone's house?: no

28. Won something?: haha i suck at everything.

29. Asked someone out?: yes

30. Been to the mall? yes

31. Been to a funeral?: yes

32. Used a lighter?: yes

33. Been on stage?: yes, plenty of times

******FAVORITE*****
35. Food: cant choose

36. Ice cream flavor: party cake or just plain chocolate

38. School subject(s): chorus<3 and i love my english class but idk about the subject

39. Breakfast cereal: rice crispies

40. Number(s): 13

41. Book(s): harry potter, to kill a mockingbird, the perks of being a wallflower, go ask alice, alot,

42. Movie(s): omg....i really cant say cause it'd go on for hours.

44. Relative: my aunt

45. State: idk. i love new jersey actually, but i love NYC, and i'd love to visit cali.

46. Place: paul's bed. lol

47. Sport to watch on TV: football

48. Sport to play: dance

49. Bands/musicians: cant choose muhh fucka

50. Letter(s): uhmm...x,y,z?? idfk

51. Fast food restaraunt: taco bell

52. Cartoon Character: bloo from fosters home..

53.Holiday: Christmas

54.Name for a son: aidynn

55. Name for a daughter: dilynn raye...or september

******DO YOU PREFER******
56. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate

58. Long relationships or one night stands?: long relationships

59. Dogs or cats?: dogs

60. Scary movies or comedies?: either

61. silver or gold: silver

62 Croutons or bacon bits?: croutons

******FIRST THINGS THAT COME TO MIND******
64. MEXICANS: lawn?

65. School: friends

66. Fruit: orange

67. yo quiero: taco bell

68. football: GIANTS!!

69. canada: degrassi

70. roxy: surf

******THE PAST 48 HOURS, HAVE YOU******
71. Watched a movie? yes

72. Talked on the phone?: yes

73. Cried?: no

74. Threw up?: no

75. Drank a glass of water?: yeah

76. Talked to the opposite sex?: yea

77. Read a book or magazine?: yes

78. Watched TV?: yessuh

79. Looked in the mirror?: yeah

80. Taken a shower?: yes

81. Taken a picture?: no

82. Listened to music?: no

83. Kissed someone?: no but alissa kissed my cheek!!

84. Done your Homework? yes

85. Told someone you loved them? yes

***DO YOU BELIEVE IN....******
86. Heaven?: i dont know

88. Aliens?: yes

89. Fun for the entire family?: lol sure

90. Freedom of speech?: yes

91. Love?: yes

92. Magic?: harry mother fucking potter YES

*******SOME RANDOM STUFF******
93. Last movie you saw in theatres?: uh... that movie with mark ruffalo and reese witherspoon...

94. Are you listening to music right now?: nope

95. What clothes are you wearing right now?: jeans, lime green tank top, brown shirt, bra, undies, socks..

96. Do you like your middle name? NO!!

97. What is the best thing since sliced bread?: my homeboys.

98. What color is your backpack?:blue && orange

99.Who is Ellen D?: degeneres? the coolest lesbian ever.

belovedx___lie @ 2005-11-15T15:28:00

2005-11-15T20:46:09Z

hey. sorry i dont update as much as i probably should. my days are considerably the same lately. in other words, everythign is boring monotonous crap. even iced chocolate mochas havent been cheering me up lately. idk. so avalons party was great, but i still felt out of place and therefore i didnt enjoy it as much as everyone else. and candace and andrew are back together. surprise, surprise. but i am happy for them. i know how much they mean to each other. so lately ive been feeling even more misunderstood. i guess its the curse of being a teenager. sigh. well anyways something to look forward to- Harry Potter and the goblet of fire on friday. going with devin and i think paul and miles. i think were going rather early around 3 or something and then im gonna see if dee wants to go to the mall and sleepover afterward. should be fan-fucking-tastic. i miss her a lot. i mean i see her in lunch everyday, but that doesnt matter. were just not the same anymore. the group is doing a secret santa for christmas i hope everyone can figure out what to get the people...whatev'. hm. i really dont know what to write in here. i feel like i cant express myself openly anymore. i'm afraid i'll be "too honest" and hurt people. even though noone reads this shit anyway. okay so i guess i'll just do this movie thing now.

01. Night at the Roxbury
02. Shrek
03. M
04. Dogma
05. Strictly Ballroom
06. The Princess Bride
07. Love, Actually
08. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
09. The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
10. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
11. Reservoir Dogs
12. Desperado
13. Swordfish
14. Kill Bill, Vol. 1
15. Donnie Darko
16. Spirited Away
17. Better Than Sex
18. Sleepy Hollow
19. Pirates of the Caribbean
20. The Eye
21. Requiem for a Dream
22. Dawn of the Dead
23. The Pillow Book
24. The Italian Job
25. The Goonies
26. Baseketball
27. The Spice Girls Movie
28. Army of Darkness
29. The Color Purple
30. The Safety of Objects
31. Can't Hardly Wait
32. Mystic Pizza
33. Finding Nemo
34. Monsters Inc.
35. Circle of Friends
36. Mary Poppins
37. The Bourne Identity
38. Forrest Gump
39. A Clockwork Orange
40. Kindergarten Cop
41. On The Line
42. My Big Fat Greek Wedding
43. Final Destination
44. Sorority Boys
45. Urban Legend
46. Cheaper by the Dozen
47. The Crow
48. The Princess and the Warrior
49. Seabiscuit
50. Hard Core Logo
51. Phantom of the Paradise
52. Zardoz
53. Lost in Translation
54. American Beauty
55. Big Fish
56. Starship Troopers
57. Starship Troopers 2
58. The Lost Boys
59. All About Eve
60. Showgirls
61. Swept Away
62. Star Wars: A New Hope
63. Black Hawk Down
64. Elizabeth
65. The Shawshank Redemption
66. Four Weddings and a Funeral
67. The Sound of Music
68. Notting Hill
69. Scotland, PA
70. Oxygen
71. Ringu
72. Shrunken Heads
73. Legend
74. About a Boy
75. Lilo and Stitch
76. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
77. Pitch Black
78. Maid in Manhattan
79. Willow
80. The Secret Of NIMH
81. Throughly Modern Millie
82. The Cutting Edge
83. Anna and the King
84. The American President
85. Save The Last Dance
86. Grease
87. Dirty Dancing
88. Mad Love
89. Lantana
90. Kiss the Sky
91. Braveheart
92. Dark City
93. SLC Punk
94. Memento
95. In America
96. Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory
97. The Wedding Planner
98. Empire Records
99. Edward Scissorhands
100. Almost Famous
101. Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: The Movie
102. Star Trek Generations
103. Beyond The Mat
104. Transformers: The Movie
105. Scary Movie
106. X-Men
107. Ghost
108. Changing Lanes
109. Hangman's Curse
110. Broken Arrow
111. Mona Lisa Smile
112. Moulin Rouge
113. The Ninth Gate
114. Emma
115. The Name of the Rose
116. Top Gun
117. Heartbreak Ridge
118. U-571
119. Ghost Ship
120. Johnny English
121. Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights
122. The Fifth Element
123. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
124. Holes
125. The Pianist
126. Amelie
127. Road Trip
128. Miracle
129. Center Stage
130. Spider-Man
131. Exorcist
132. Omen
133. 8 Mile
134. Son in Law
135. Stepmom
136. Dr. Strangelove
137. Full Metal Jacket
138. Lolita
139. Little Shop of Horrors
140. Annie
141. Rocky Horror Picture Show
142. Being John Malkovich
143. Monty Python & the Holy Grail
144. Street Fighter Alpha: The Movie
145. Under the Tuscan Sun
146. The Four Feathers
147. Gosford Park
148. Bubble Boy
149. Without a Paddle
150. Labyrinth
151. Shrek 2
152. Spider-Man 2
153. X-Men 2
154. Ever After
155. Great Expectations
156. Orgazmo
157. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
158. The Matrix
159. Underworld
160. Anchorman
161. Leon: The Professional
162. The Cooler
163. Head (1969)
164. Bridget Jones's Diary
165. Albino Aligator
166. Chasing Amy
167. The Usual Suspects
168. The Shape of Things
169. 13 Conversations About One Thing
170. Hero
171. Rules of Attraction
172. I (heart) Huckabees
173. Fahrenheit 9/11
174. Akira
175. Garden State
176. Ghost in the Shell
177. Kissing Jessica Stein
178. Sailor Moon: Super S
179. Adaptation
180. Punch Drunk Love
181. Mulan
182. Napoleon Dynamite
183. Pleasantville
184. Rat Race
185. Blue Crush
186. In Good Company
187. 13 Going on 30
188. Elf
189. Life Is Beautiful
190. Cruel Intentions
191. Princess Mononoke
192. Mallrats
193. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
194. Fight Club
195. Phantom of the Opera
196. The First Knight
197. Alexander
198. Real Genius
199. Secretary
200. Quills
201. Detroit Rock City
202. Beetlejuice
203. Thirteen
204. Trainspotting
205. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
206. Weird Science
207. Mean Girls
208. The Bourne Supremecy
209. Dodgeball
210. Meet the Parents
211. Meet the Fockers
212. Troy
213. Saw
214. The Passion of the Christ
215. Ray
216. Collateral
217. Coach Carter
218. Assault on Precinct 13
219. Hitch
220. Finding Neverland
221. National Treasure
222. Million Dollar Baby
223. Cellular
224. The Terminal
225. Mr. 3000
226. Head of State
227. Blue Streak
228. National Security
229. Rush Hour
230. Rush Hour 2
231. Shanghai Noon
232. Shanghai Knights
233. XXX
234. The Fast and the Furious
235. 2 Fast 2 Furious
236. The Last Samurai
237. Van Helsing
238. Ocean’s Eleven
239. Ocean’s Twelve
240. Men in Black
241. Men in Black II
242. I, Robot
243. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle
244. Zoolander
245. Rose Red
246. The Silence of the Lambs
247. Hannibal
248. Red Dragon
249. Prophecy trilogy
250. Interview with the Vampire
251. Queen of the Damned
252. Pi
253. Ichi The Killer
254. Suspiria
255. Spun
256. A Beautiful Mind
257. The Nightmare Before Christmas
258. The Butterfly Effect
259. White Noise
260. Alone in the Dark
261. The Aviator
262. American Psycho
263. Die Hard
264. Die Hard 2
265. Die Hard with a Vengeance
266. Batman
267. Batman Returns
268. Batman Forever
269. Batman & Robin
270. Resident Evil
271. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
272. What's Eating Gilbert Grape?
273. Blade
274. Blade II
275. Blade: Trinity
276. The Blues Brothers
277. Blues Brothers 2000
278. Ghostbusters
279. Ghostbusters 2
280. Clue
281. Raiders of the Lost Ark
282. Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
283. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
284. Street Fighter
285. Super Mario Brothers
286. Gremlins
287. Gremlins 2
288. The Addams Family
289. Addams Family Values
290. Superman
291. Superman II
292. Superman III
293. Superman IV
294. South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut
295. Beavis & Butt-head Do America
296. Ed Wood
297. Donnie Brasco
298. Pulp Fiction
299. Face/Off
300. Con Air
301. Mission: Impossible
302. M:1-2
303. Escape from Alcatraz
304. Speed
305. Speed 2
306. Go
307. The Godfather
308. The Godfather Part II
309. The Godfather Part III
310. Manhunter
311. UHF
312. Mortal Kombat
313. Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
314. Saving Private Ryan
315. The Relic
316. Enemy at the Gates
317. Home Alone
318. Home Alone 2
319. Home Alone 3
320. Home Alone 4
321. Happy Gilmore
322. Billy Madison
323. The Waterboy
324. Little Nicky
325. Dirty Work
326. Tommy Boy
327. Black Sheep
328. Death Wish
329. Pecker
330. Cecil B. Demented
331. The Shining
332. Carrie
333. Pet Sematary
334. Pet Sematary Two
335. The Terminator
336. Terminator 2: Judgement Day
337. T3: Rise of the Machines
338. Ned Kelly
339. Kate & Leopold
340. Mystic River
341. I Am Sam
342. Joan of Arc
343. 50 First Dates
344. Atilla
345. Timeline
346. Titanic
347. Reign of Fire
348. Legends of the Fall
349. The Mask of Zorro
350. Rudy
351. Signs
352. The Village
353. Gladiator
354. The Bumblebee Flies Anyway
355. The War
356. Time Bandits
357. Run Lola Run
358. How To Get Ahead In Advertising
359. Dead Man
360. Hedwig & The Angry Inch
361. American History X

We'll say, maybe we can find a new way.. Or create another great cliche.

2005-11-07T21:12:35Z

so today...sigh. oh today. well it sort of sucked. i guess i'll start from the beginning? yeah sure.
so i woke up and felt like complete crap. i hit the snooze button 3 times before i actually woke up. then i tried straightening my hair and it was being crap so that pissed me off right off the bat. then i went downstairs and i wanted to make iced coffee and a breakfast sandwich SO BAD, but i couldnt cause i didnt have time. so i grabbed a sunny dee and hit the road, coffee-less, hungry, and pissed. okay then the bus ride was like...blah. whatev'. and then first period. oh how that class sucks. mrs. recht is so nice, but that class is a work OVERLOAD. k so i got back an enrichment exercise that i got a 2 out of 10...so not so good. (i dont think i've handed a single one in on time)okay so then we went over the homework and did groupwork whatev'. kay so then in spanish, we handed in our postcard project things and he liked mine so that was okay, but i felt a little spaced out. and then i went to the guidance office for the sophomore meeting or whatever...WHO CARES. okay so english....we did learning evaluation stuff, which i didnt mind because its pretty fun and i wouldnt mind doing it all the time because its better than work..then i forgot to read, yet again. and we had a quiz. so i got the first 3 questions but the other 2 i left blank so YAY a 60!!! woo. well whatev' i know that mike and kat didnt read either so thats okay. hm so then we worked on our projects and i have to say, i'm a little worried because its due wednesday and we havent accomplished anything yet. ugh. okay then lunch...was lunch. nothing really to say because it wasnt that interesting. back to english, i talked to mike<3(mi favorito!! =]) and aves and to sharon and kat about our project, too. yeah so basically whatever. THEN GYM. shit. gym. so andrew asked candace to go on a break and that was interesting. because neither of them seemed very different. idk. whatever. me and megan did a little participating. and then i was hanging out with nick larsen cause hes a crazy kid. yeah. so basically the day was crappy.

i seriously thought a break wouldve been good for candace and andrew, but it doesnt seem like its going to last. whatever. its their relationship and i TRY not to interfere.

hm so MY life is pretty boring. i need some interest. dare i say a love interest?! yes, i do. a love interest would be ideal at this time. but hey, whatcha gonna do?

hm whatever. i dont really know what to say. okay well i'm going to go. bye<33

dont make her wait for you just because you know she will <3

2005-11-05T23:59:40Z

okay so i dont remeber what i worte last time...so hm. i'll just start with my weekend so far. yesterday i went home on paul's late bus. mel couldnt come right away because Matt wasnt answering the phone so she had to go home first and get driven over later. so lpaul and i just sat around watching Under the Tuscan which was a pretty decent movie. then mel tom and charlie showed up and paul was making this computer thing where you type in your name and it says something. it was entertaining. when he typed in my name it said "you'z a ninja" or something like that. it made me smile. lol. tom and charlie left then we watched secret window. yep. and paul mel and i fought each other for the couch and then finally we all gave up and contorted ourselves together so we could all fit. it was hilarious. then my mom came at 6 o frickin clock, but she made up for it with movie rentals and chinese food. yeah it was good.

then today i watched movies and was on the computer all day. and i was supposed to go to the fire department verses the police department football game, but we ended up not going. so here i am. alone. bored out of my mind.

i told paul he should come to my house for the first time ever tomorrow. he said "i'll see" which probably means no because hes unreliable with things like that. i kind of wish he was dependable, but i guess its okay. i love him anyway. bff.

k so i guess i have nothing else to say. bye<33

and i cant help myself i dont want anyone else..

2005-11-05T16:16:30Z

1. Post the names of 20 musicians/bands.
2. See who can guess which is your favorite song by each.
3. Once someone guesses right, bold that row and include the song.

1 Starting Line
2 Hot Hot Heat
3 All American Rejects
4 Fall Out Boy
5 Blink 182
6 Straylight Run
7 Snow Patrol
8 Early November
9 The Used
10 Breaking Benjamin
11 Dashboard Confessional
12 Brand New
13 Bright Eyes
14 Click Five
15 Cursive
16 From Autumn to Ashes
17 Senses Fail
18 Taking Back Sunday
19 Avenged Sevenfold
20 Coheed and Cambria

I'll die if I don't get a chance to make this just right.

2005-11-01T21:12:57Z

okay so i really feel like updating i just dont know what to write.

lets see....my halloween was pretty great. i took the late bus to matt's with him, mel, and tara. (tara had a moustache and proposed to mel) and then we made matt's costume. then joc showed up and we took morgan trickortreating on sunnywoods. then we went back to matt's and waited for ash and nicole. when they got there, we went and kidnapped paul. we said "trick or treat bitch. get your shoes on" and made him trick or treat with us. (SORRY MILES<3) and it was fun. then ash lost her phone so she and matt left to find it and the rest of us kept going. we went to yebra's but he wasnt home. then we went to bergen's who wasnt home either (strange i know) and then we continued on our journey and hung out at matt's from 8-9. overall it was lovely. <3333

so ANTHONY YEBRA IS A BEAUTIFUL PIECE OF MAN. yeah sorry about that. lol. <3

k well my brother is being a pain and i have no further anecdotes so bye. <3

HAPPY ONE-YEAR ANNIVERSARY CANDACE AND ANDREW!!<3

Can you take this silence like a pill so I can breathe again?

2005-10-29T22:04:30Z

okay hi. so yesterday was homecoming (dance and game) and i wasnt going to go, but i ended up going anyway. i'm pretty glad i did. the game was kinda boring....but the dance was fun. i dont feel like writing everything down though. i feel really bad because i still havent watched AJ's duet. he was all mad. but the first time i didnt see him, and yesterday i wasnt there yet. so its really not my fault. but i am sorry. and i WILL see it sometime. i hope. because i want to.

yeah so after the dance i slept over avalons and we talked and myspaced and stuff. then my mom picked me up and we had to go to walmart, aldi<3, the outlets, petco, and pier1. it was good. i got all the necessary things for my costume, the cutest bra ever made, a SUPERB BEATLES YELLOW SUBMARINE sweatshirt, shoes, NATURE'S VALLET FRUIT PUNCH (the god of all juice), oreos, and a bunch of more good stuff. yes.

i left my cell phone at ave's house which sucks because matt was supposed to call to hang out and such but whatev'.

so now i'm very bored. so HOLLER if you want to hang.

yeah and i miss hanging out with my friends terribly. i barely see any of them. it sucks. horrible. <3

g2g bye. <333

hey i love you.

2005-10-29T20:57:46Z

stfu.

:)<3

stop burning bridges and drive off of them.

2005-10-21T23:04:52Z

i HATE the monotonous life i live.
i HATE the fact that i haven't really liked anyone since PJ.
i HATE that to most guys i'll always be seen as a just a friend, one of the guys, that shit.
i HATE not knowing what i want to do for the rest of my life.
i HATE feeling lie this.
and most of all i HATE that people act like they care for one second and then spend the next hour talking about themselves.

okay, bye. <3

to truly not exist wouldnt be too far off.

2005-10-13T18:11:33Z

k so i KNOW i just updated a few minutes ago..but i was thinking about stuff. the rain makes me think cause theres nothing else to do. so anyway..

i got around to thinking about my friends. i realized that most of them honestly dont know me at all. they dont know the tiny things that make me extra happy.. or the stupid things that make me really sad..and even the ones whom i call my 'best friends' probably could not tell me the things i hate most and the things that i love more than anything. it kind of makes me really upset to know this. and i probably know nothing about them either!! theres obviously something wrong with that. i seem to be unnattached to them in a way. i wish i could say i have at least one single friend who knew me REALLY well...but i dont think i do. maybe its my fault. i dont know. i'm not dee and i dont have a dany. i'm not candace and i dont have a laura. i'm not tara and i dont have a kat. maybe i did this to myself? i dont know.

so then this subject made me think about everybody. if you went up to every person in my school and said "you know melissa conrad?" i guarantee that about 99% of them would say "who?"... and in my grade..i guarantee only about 85% even know i exist. thats really rather depressing. you could say "billy lee" and at least 90% of the kids know who youre talking about. or you could say "shari" and everyone would be like "yeah i know her." apparently i'm basically a nobody.

this kind of sucks.

i swear i'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed. x3

2005-10-13T17:37:22Z

alfred jorgensen really is a smart fellow. i just read his latest LJ entry and it was truly inspiring. i mean, wow. what a philosopher. lmao. but seriously. he's incredibly smart.

first of all his entry inspired me in this way: last entry i was all OMG i want a boyfriend. but it made me realize i dont want just anyone. because if i really wanted just anyone to ask me out, i wouldve went out with ben. or i wouldve stayed with (UGH FUCK) nick. so i realized that yeah i DO want a boyfriend because i miss having a relationship and its really been a while...but i dont need one bad enough to settle for anyone. i'm not going to start a real relationship with someone i'm not interested in.

also it made me think that if i just be me all the time, then someone will find me. normally i'd be all 'noone likes me' because a lot of the time that seems like the truth. but i mean...someone right will come along...i dont know when.. but sometime.

okay so anyway...me and candace have been working out a lot of stuff about the sweet sixteen. i REALLY hope it will turn out amazing. i really do.

oh and i CANT WAIT to go to saint pats this yearr. oh man NYC here we come bitchess. its going to be even more amazing then last year cause we're going to radio city too. its just going to be a blast and i cant wait to share the experience with my chorus girls and the guys too! <3

and i cant shake the feeling of wanting to go out wiht someone, but i realized i havent really liked anyone since pj.. thats odd for me cause its been like...2-3 months. that a pretty long time for me to not like anyone...yeah. theres just not anyone that impresses me much. at least not someone available, and realistic for me. whatevah.

okay well i think i'm done cause ive run out of things to say. x3

we will NEVER be the same.

2005-10-04T17:42:30Z

i wish i wasnt such an emo fuck. i mean seriously.

okay so i'm sorry i never write in here. but its not really a disappointment to anyone. i mean. its not like anyone reads it. okay so back to the fucking point. i am an emo son of a bitch. i wish i was kidding so i could laugh at that. but i'm not kidding. and i cant laugh.

want to know WHY i am an emo fuck? its because i cant stop complaining about how i want a boyfriend and how i feel alone. yeah. idfk. i hate it. i hate being like this. but i really really do want a boyfriend.

OKAY. so yesterday was a pretty great day of my life. it really was. school sucked like always. but then in lunch paul asked me to come over to watch anime. so naturally i said yeah. and after fourth i called my mom. she hesitantly said i could go. then i got on his bus. at first it was only me going over but then jeff and charlie decided to come. and we got off the bus where squid was waiting so he came too. we then got inside paul's scattered our shit everywhere and ate cheezits while watching NGE <3. it was cool. i edited his away message and we watched 5 episodes. then ben came. and soon we walked to meet miles, pat, and tom. the 9 of us then walked to romeos for pizza. we had plain and white<333. we talked and laughed and were cool the whole time. squid and ben left. then we walked back to pauls. (paul and i listened to music and ignored a little bit of the idiocy for a bit.) charlie, tom, pat, miles, and jeff were playing video games...and i was calling my mom to see if i could stay over paul's but thta was a deffinate NO. it sucked. i dont get why my mom cant trust me. paul says its him she doesnt trust. whatever. i really think she either thinks that paul and i are romantically involved or that i am just a sex-crazed teenage ho. so whatever. then paul and i bonded a little until miles and jeff came outside with us as well. we talked about stuff until my mother came for me at 8. ugh. it probably doesnt sound like that much fun, but it really was. i loved it.

uhm so yeah. i dont really know what else to write except for that i'm REALLY bored.

call the cellular if you can hang out. AHAHA i'm talking to the infinite web space that is noone. HAHAH.

okay well...bye. x3

“And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”

2005-09-14T20:30:08Z

AHAHDHGL:OSHDGIAEJG"PEJG:O.

hi.

i'm lyss. COULD I GET ANYMORE AWESOME?!?!?!

yeah, i could. but i'm feeling pretty nifty right now. so lets leave it at that.

hmm i'm talking ot candii and sean miller. yay. <333

great kids.

hm i love my hommies.

and i love getting compliments on my fashion. its great.

hmm. HAH sean thinks he fat and ugly. yeah right.

i hate when people have no self esteem. cause i feel bad and know what theyre going through.

sigh.

okay so i think i'm done. later. <33

"not everyone has a sob story...and even if they do, it's no excuse."

2005-09-08T19:41:00Z

hey. sorry i didnt write about my first day. i went to pauls then hadhomework so i didnt find the time. now after the 3rd day, schools been pretty great. in fact, i didnt want to leave gym today. it was fun. and i love those people. sigh. so the only class i really dont like much is spanish and thats only cause nick is in it. other then that my classes are good. oh but mrs. recht gives a whole fucking lot of homework every night...eh. but mr. blair in spanish is cool. and i love english with aves, kat, sharon and the others...yeah. and then gym/chorus, well...you know. i love chorus. and i hate gym, but the people make it awesomeeee. <333333 yeah

okay so i was in a pretty good mood all day and then i got home and for some reason i'm feeling pretty low. its so pathetic. nothing happened. i shouldnt feel like this. ah. whatever. i'm such a fucking freak.

i dont know what else to write. (my LJ is so fucking boring.) yeah okay, bye x3